Funny how random things don’t wind up seemingly random, isn’t it?
As I’m sure I’ve mentioned a time or seven, I’m a bit of a nerd. And I like making lists. So, I spent some time updating my list of all the content on WWE Network. . . Because I use my time wisely.
After making sure my dork-OCD levels were topped off for the day, I went to my good friend Random.org in order to decide what I’d watch. . . Isn’t that how everyone watches WWE Network? Pull a random number off a website, look up what Network event that refers to on your spreadsheet, then watch it?
. . . I really should keep these things to myself, I think.
Anyway, the number I picked took me to Summer Slam from 1990. Conveniently enough, I had just finished the Rumble from that same year this morning. Isn’t that a weird coincidence?
. . . Let’s just get to the card.
Highlight: Up until the end, my highlight was going to be the performance of Marty Jannetty. Shawn Michaels was limping as he made his way to the ring, so obviously he had some sort of leg injury, which explains why Hercules and Roma attack before the bell and take the future HBK out of action. Marty did a good job holding his own in a glorified handicap match.
But the real highlight was Power and Glory’s finisher. Hercules hits a Superplex and them Roma hits a top rope splash. How come we don’t see things like that anymore?
Lowlight: I get weary of the “blind” referee thing. Otherwise, this was a solid match given the circumstances.
So What: The Ascension should be watching all of Power and Glory’s matches very closely - that’s about as good a comparative team as I can make for them. One muscle guy, one finesse guy. That finisher P&G uses would be 100 times better than Fall of Man right now.
Highlight: I’ll admit, I marked out a bit for the Von Erich claw. I had also forgotten that Kerry won the IC title for a bit, so that was a nice surprise.
Lowlight: All the Texas Tornado jokes. I’m all for puns, but Von Erich deserved better.
So What: I wonder if it burns Curtis Axel to wake up each morning and know Dolph Ziggler is much, MUCH better at being the heir to the Mr. Perfect legacy than Axel himself. I hope he gets a shot in NXT to turn his career around.
Since the match didn’t happen, neither will my commentary. Just go check my Twitter feed and see the picture of Sherri from this event.
Highlight: Vince and Roddy on commentary. Vince: (Warlord) is big all over.
Roddy: (After a few beats) Is that right?
Lowlight: That this match warranted being on PPV.
So What: I’m really glad Erick Rowan, Sheamus and basically every other big man in the last 24 months didn’t get this Warlord gimmick recycled.
Highlight: This was just a solid tag match start to finish. Double-team moves, quick tags, psychology. The ending built 2 stories, even with a title change. I’m going to include my So What in here too - Take note, WWE tag teams. This is how you do it.
Lowlight: Ax, Smash and Crush look nothing like each other. This is one case where Twin Magic doesn’t work.
Not exactly a wrestling clinic here, so let’s talk about everything BUT the match.
Highlight: Watching Damien the snake try to kill Jake a couple times during his promo.
Lowlight: Watching the very quick shots of the “Harlem Sewer Rat” (which looked like a stuffed opposum), and Damien “relaxing in the shower” (also immobile).
So What: Bray Wyatt needs to sit down and watch Jake’s promos over and over and over again. This is his ceiling if he plays his cards right.
Highlight: Commentary team again. Vince after one of the Express tries to hit Nikolai with a tackle. “That was a dumb move, wasn’t it?”
Piper: “Yep. . . Really dumb.”
Lowlight: This is not the greatest card I’ve ever seen. A lot of Saturday Night Main Event matches on a Sunday night PPV.
So What: There’s hope for Rusev yet. Want to see him and Swagger teaming up to sing God Bless America like Duggan and Volkoff did.
Highlight: Again, not the greatest quality match here, which is a shame because it could have been. The Dibiase promo was the best part.
Lowlight: Dusty’s entire WWF career.
So What: Why haven’t we seen an updated version of The Million Dollar Man in WWE? Is it because everybody knows all these wrestlers wind up making a decent living?
Sorry, folks, grasping at straws here. We could make a case for Tyson Kidd having good lineage, since he holds Natalya in front of opponents the same way Savage did Sherri. Or we could just move on.
Highlight: Earthquake scaling the top turnbuckle with relative ease. Watching a 400 pound man perched relatively comfortably on the top rope was my favorite point of the whole match, even if it just wound up being a weak jumping punch.
Lowlight: Noticing a random table right next to the ring for no other reason than for Earthquake to be slammed on it at the end of the match. Try a little harder, please. The blue tablecloth didn’t help.
So What: I know a lot of people don’t want to see Hogan get back in the ring. I’m not a huge fan of the idea myself. However, watching this match, there’s only 3-4 things Hogan couldn’t do now as a 61 year old. He mainly just needs to get beat up, Hulk up, go home.
Highlight: Seeing Rude standing on top of the classic blue cage. I love that cage, and had the Ravishing One not just done a jumping punch, that could have become one of the all-time classic moments.
Lowlight: Seeing a piece of Warrior’s face paint hanging from his nose like. . . You know. . . Things that hang from noses.
So What: This main event shows how far WWE has grown - While a decent match, it was in no way a climactic end to the Summer Slam event. Even at its worst, most WWE PPV’s today have some sort of ending people want to talk about.
Have to wonder if, even at this point, Vince McMahon knew the Ultimate Warrior wasn’t going to be “the guy” he had hoped he would be.
Demolition vs. Hart Foundation. While this wasn’t a banner WWF PPV in my book, that match would fit well on any card.
The Ascension should totally steal Power and Glory’s finisher, right?
Does this card make you feel better about the current state of WWE?