As almost every single pair of eyes who reads this knows, I, The Teacher, have been pretty addicted to Twitter since the birth of the Number Two Contenders. One thing I’ve been fascinated with is how the social media age allows everyone to share their feeling right as things happen. This gives us a primal sense of how people are feeling, since from the looks of it, most people don’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about their tweets before sending them into the Inter-ether.
Which got me thinking. . . With Summer Slam around the corner, what would the history of this huge WWE event look like if Twitter had existed since its inception. . . Quite the thought experiment. . . I humbly submit some of what I believe we’d have seen in the last 20 years.
MegaPowersRule: Can’t believe we’re getting a 4th #WWF PPV! Can’t wait to see MegaPowers SLAM MegaBucks! #Hulkamania #OhYeah
MillionDollarBaby: @MegaPowersRule - No way! Everybody has a price, and Dibiase and Andre can’t be stopped! #MoneyMoneyMoney
WrestlingIsReal87: WTF? Time limit draw? How boring for a PPV opener! Bulldogs should have won!
RudeAwakeningz: Putting somebody else’s wife on your tights is so cool; Rude is the man!
WarriorsWoman: OMG Warrior just won the IC title in 30 seconds!! He’s so amazing!!! I luv him so much!!!!
AxAndSmashYaaa: Here comes the Ax! There go the Harts! Demolition 4 the win!
OnlySmartFanIn88: Doesn’t everyone know Virgil is Dusty Rhodes’ real name?
WrestlingIsReal87: @OnlySmartFanIn88 - Shut up, fool. Dusty’s name is Dusty, and he’s amazing. Stop spreading lies!
MegaPowersRule: Here we go! I am a real American! I said my prayers, let’s do this!!!
PsychicGuyMcGee: Ventura is calling this match so well, he should be a politician someday.
The Entire Twitterverse: OMG did you just see Elizabeth’s undies!!! SO HOTTT CAN’T HANDLE ITTT
MegaPowersRule: Never doubt the MegaPowers, including the leggy Liz #OHYEAHDIGIT
WWFNumber1UKFan: #SummerSlam from #London? Can life get any better?
DCWrestlingFan: @WWFNumber1UKFan - Shut up, you stupid Brit.
BiggestHartOnForBret: So sad 2 c Hart family torn like this. They may never b the same.
OnlySmartFanIn88: Hope Bulldog’s staph infection doesn’t get in the way here.
OhhhhWhatARush: I guess Money can’t buy a victory! #LODWins!
The Entire Twitterverse: Nailz and Virgil made it onto a #WWF PPV? Seriously?
MrsMartel92: OMG did you see The Model’s butt? Sooo hotttt.
MrsMichaels1992: @MrsMartel92 - Ewww, no way, HBK’s tush was SO much cuter!
(Editors note: This continued for hours and got very hostile.)
PsychicGuyMcgee: This tag title match may be bad, but at least we’re seeing the titles defended at #SummerSlam. Looking at you, 2014!
MachoMadness17: Flair, you dirty bastard, Randy’s going to kick your ass. Perfect, you too!
SmartMarkLevesque: Why is Kamala getting a World title shot? What’s he ever done? Why is his handler named after Korean cabbage?
WWFNumber1UKFan: OMG Bulldog won! Bulldog won! This is Britain’s greatest moment!
BiggestHartOnForBret: My guy just showed total class and honor. #AlwaysMyChampion!
PsychicGuyMcGee: @BiggestHartOnForBret - Yeah, Bret’s a #WWF guy for life. . . #Sarcasm
SummerSlamSam: It’s the biggest party of the summer. Mankind’s tough, but with Paul Bearer at his side, how can #Undertaker fail?
NotYetTheTeacher: Love the bikini blast beach party, but why are all these guys getting in the way of Sunny and Sable?
OnlyGuyWatchingFreeForAll: OMG did u see Yoko break the ropes? #Fatty
The Entire Twitterverse: You know, this #SummerSlam kinda sucks.
ForAllMankind96: Alright, Boiler Room Brawl time! This is going to be EPIC! #CactusJack
MistressDeadman: @ForAllMankind96 - It is, but your boy is going to get beat down!
WhatTheHellsIsECW: You know, this match is wicked violent. Where did this come from?
TheFirstHeymanGuy: This match don’t got nothing on Sandman and Raven, biatches!
The Entire Twitterverse: WTF just happened? Paul Bearer turned on ‘Taker? What? BOOOOO!!
(Editors note: Nobody bothered tweeting about Michaels and Vader after the Brawl)
The Entire Twitterverse: OMG Owen Hart breaking Austin’s neck in the ring is the worst thing that can ever happen at a live wrestling event.
PsychicGuyMcgee: @Everyone - Don’t say that. . . Just. . . Don’t say that. . .
The Entire Twitterverse: OMG Cena sucks, good thing he won’t be main eventing forever.
PsychicGuyMcgee: @Everyone - Don’t say that. . . Just. . . Don’t say that. . . #CenaWinsLOL